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Read General Advice
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| Topic: |
Sex |
| Date: |
December 09, 2011 |
| FriendWorried asks: |
| My friend has been dating her boyfriend for almost 4 weeks now. Recently she told me he asked her to have sex, She says she's not sure if she wants to or not. I want to give her some adivice but I don't know what to say. Please help me, help her! |
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| hollistercutie4 says: |
| I would suggest reminding her that if she's not sure if she wants to or not, that she might not be ready. Help her by being there for her, helping her get birth control or health testing done (all should be considered prior to having sex, anyways) so on and so forth. Tell her that she should do it when she knows that she really wants to, and to not let someone pressure her into doing something she isn't sure about. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 27, 2011 |
| TORi asks: |
| This one is as old as the book. I have been dating this boy for two years. I love him. We've been together so long I can't see myself without him; however, I'm moving away in a year, and he can't go with me. And last night, I met a boy who I already have a little crush on. I'm not sure if I should break up with my boyfriend because I'm attracted to other guys (coupled with the fact that we've been fighting a lot lately) and am confused about our future together, or if I should stay with him. |
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| wilddawg says: |
Unless you try and commit to having a long distance relationship, you breaking up is probably a good idea. Can the arguments be mended or are the arguments about your upcoming move? Define and think about your attraction to other guys .............. Do you feel this way because you've been committed for 2 years and want to nibble at something new? Are you more attracted to guys like the new guy than you are to your b-f? If these are more than fantasies and have you consider dumping him, then you need to end it.
Honestly, you need to do some soul searching and look at the pros and cons of staying together, breaking up, or finding a new guy. But my deepest concern is you find a new guy who can't move near you then you may have ended something special too early.
If you do break up, I recommend thaT you take some time to get over this guy before you pursue something or someone new.
Lastly, it's best to follow your heart.
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 17, 2011 |
| ckourtney asks: |
| okay will i like this who i have been best friends with foe like 5 years and we started daiting an dmy parents found out but the thing is he is black and i am white and i dont know what i should do my parents hate him ? |
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| wilddawg says: |
What makes you think they're disappointed? Are you asking me if they hate him? Or are you asking why they hate him?
There are so many thoughts racing through my head now:
*They could be disappointed because you weren't up front about dating him
*They could be racist and not like the fact you're in an interracial relationship
*They may not have liked him ever and since you're dating, it's easier for them to make it an issue
*Maybe you're too young to be dating
*If he's your first b-f --- maybe they expected someone different
Maybe you need to calmly ask them why they're upset.
Feel free to be more specific with the things I mentioned and I'll try to give you more enhanced advice. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 16, 2011 |
| WhachaWant asks: |
| HEY,
So, I like (or love =] ) this guy. I think that he likes me back, but he asked another girl out on Valentine's day....and we live 5 hours apart. He has often told me (over email) that if I lived closer, maybe things would be different. But I don't and there's nothing that I can do but just let my heart break. Help! |
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| logomaniac says: |
| It's a hard situation but you'll be able to move on, it just takes a lit to make those first few steps. Go out with some friends, have some fun, and try to just let loose. You never know what the future will bring but as of right now the two of you aren't meant to be, that just means Mr. Wonderful is hopefully a little closer to home. |
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| Topic: |
Friends |
| Date: |
February 07, 2011 |
| BandGirl7 asks: |
| I am a sophomore in high school. For my last few years in elementary school, I didn't have any friends at the school, so I went to a high school where I didn't know anyone and made so friends. We didn't hang out much freshmen year and I vowed to change that. This year we hang out at school functions, but barely outside of school. I asked my closest friend to hang out in August, October, and December and each time at first she sounded interested, but then made excuses. Two of the three were not getting a ride and her parents refusing her to get picked up and then having to stay home on a Friday night and clean. Also, I have been in the area of my friends at school when they talk about doing something outside of school, but don't invite me. Last week I invited the girl I mentioned before and 3 others to a sleepover and they all seemed interested though one did mention a possibility of a brother's birthday celebration the same night. Today, I asked whether they could come or not and the one said she had she birthday thing, the next said her parents would be out and she might have to babysit but maybe could get a ride, the third said she didn't think she could, but no excuse, and the fourth (the friend I mentioned before) said she it didn't seem likely, and possibly hinted at not asking at all (I forget) when she commented that she never knew what she will be doing on the weekend. What should I do about this sleepover and what everyone has said to me? Should I confront my closest friend on all her no's like I kind of want to, but am afraid about doing because it could mess up our friendship? I am tired of all these no's and never any yes's. What should I do about that? |
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| logomaniac says: |
| It might be a good idea to talk about it, I hesitate to say "confront" because at your age a confrontation usually turns into a lot of drama over a simple misunderstanding. I suggest saying something casually to the group as a whole first, maybe at lunch. You could lead into it with something like, "hey, I know everyone gets busy but I feel like we haven't hung out at all lately. We should do something." it's casual and you can see their response. If they still don't set up concrete plans then feel free to talk to the one friend in private and simply be honest. Tell her that you'd really like to do something together but it feels like you're being left out and ask her if that's true. That way you get your answer and can either work on the problem if there is one or move on to some different friends. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 06, 2011 |
| OhWHOAitsLauren asks: |
| Last night i was texting my boyfriend and i asked him if he really wanted to be with me and his response was "yes, why would you even ask me that?" and i told him that "i just wanted to make sure..." then he said that if im questioning the relationship, then it isn't real.. and i responded by saying "okay, i am questioning the relationship, but im not...im really questioning you...you never seem like you care.." and he asked me "how?" and i proceeded to tell him how and he responded with "wow :( what a shame.." and then i told him "basically that to me everything is a joke to you, and don't get me wrong i love to joke around and what not but it seems like all the time with you." and then he said "so are you saying that i always have to be serious and loving all the time?..okay fine, you happy?" and i told him that he didn't have to be serious all the time just more than he has been.. then he said "okay im sorry :( really." and around this time it was late and we both sorta fell asleep but before i fell asleep i told him that it was okay and that i don't want him to change who his because i love who he is and that i wouldn't be with him if i didn't like who he was, but that i needed him to be a little more serious at times... and he hasnt replied back, but im no worried about that..i just need to now if i made a mistake by doing that because i don't want him to change just because of me :/...
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| logomaniac says: |
| In relationships of any kind it's important to respect people for who they are but sometimes there can be some improvements made when needed. It's all about letting your partner know that you definitely love them but also being honest about something that hurts, upsets, or bothers you. As long as you can both be open with each other about these things then you have a very successful relationship. I think you did the right thing. You made sure he knew you love him while calmly discussing what you had issue with. It might be a good idea to give examples of situations where he could be more serious and sensitive just so he has more to go on but other than that you both seem to have done a great job. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
January 15, 2011 |
| Mad but understandin asks: |
| Its kind of a weird story. My girl and I have been together for 2 months. We have gone through alot. But shes amazing and we have been together through anything. Last week she said she loved me it kind of took me by surprise because we have only been together for 2 months but we have known eachother for 5 months and I told her I loved her too because I do love her. We both have our problems but we are okay with one another. But one problem that she has that kind of ticks me off is she will say I can do something to her and than she will cut me off. it has been like this. On our 1 month anniversary we were makin out on my bed and I went to finger her an she took my hand out her pants. later that night we were texting. I felt bad and apologized she said that she was afraid of me doing that too her but she thought about it and said that I could do it too her. So the next week we were at my house. I tried it again and she pulled my hand away. It kind of annoyed me but I didnt say anything. Later that night she apologized for pulling my hand away. I asked her why she did it after she said I could finger her. She told me this story of what happened to her as a child and the story explained why she was nervouse about my fingering her. I completly understood why she was nervous. I told her I was sorry and I didnt know. She said it was okay and she said I could finger her. so next week and at this point its been a month and a half. So we are on my bed making out and I slowly put my hand down her pants and she moves my hand. I was annoyed but at the same time understanding. Later that night she once again said sorry and I said dont be. She talked to me about it and finally said "Baby you have my permission from now on to finger me." I asked her if she ment it because I wasnt going to do it if my hand was going to get pulled away. She assuerd me it wasnt. So on our second month anniversary she says she loves me. I say I love her. and TODAY we are at my house chilling out and relaxing. we go to my bed and we make out. I SLOWLY inch my way from her stomach to inside of her pants giving her plenty of warning about what is going to happen. I slip my hand in her pants and she doesnt move it. As soon as I start to finger her she moves my hand. I was mad, annoyed, and disappointed but I didnt show it. She said sorry to my face and said she's 16 and should have already let the incedent in the past go. I said don't worry baby you'll let it go when you are ready too and I wont try anything until you are sure you want me too. She smiled and cuddled with me. I love her but I said that and I sort of ment it. I dont want to pressure her into anything. I mean shes not a virgin and shes not innocent but With me I wasnt going to pressure her. But it does make me sort of mad that I got rejected after she said I could finger her. I mean I love her and I feel really bad cause I got mad. I love her but at the same time I want to finger her. and to be honest its kind of hurtin when she moves me hand away. I feel like I dont even want to try to finger her cause I dont want to get rejected again. BUt I want to finger her and I have urges like any teenage boy. I dont know what to do. Im just getting mad and upset but I havent told her...I dont know what to do. |
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| logomaniac says: |
| Just because a girl isn't a virgin doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want when you want with her. Especially now that you know she has hang ups about something that happened in the past. If you do love her then your urges are less important than her feelings at this point and you should respect that while she may also have urges and out of the moment she might think she needs to say it's okay for you to do something but in the heat of the moment she panics and moves your hand away. If you love her, respect her. If you can't then you don't need to be with her. It's been two months, nothing bad is going to happen if you resist your urges for a couple more months out of respect for her until she's really ready. But giving her lip service when you really don't feel what you're saying to her about it being okay is pretty much lying to both her and yourself. You sound fairly young so I definitely advise that you both talk about this face to face instead if over the phone. If you have expectations and are going to get mad when those aren't met, she should know that. Also, it sounds like she's very confused. You don't just get over something like she is talking about, it takes a lot of work. She may want you to finger her because she thinks she loves you and that you want it and of course she would want to make you happy but it is definitely not something she has to let you do. And if you do end up pushing her or continuing to get angry it will probably be something you never get to do because in the end, if you can't respect her choice and her past then you don't need to be with her. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
January 13, 2011 |
| jccccc. asks: |
| I'm a 14 year old girl and I really want to be in a serious relationship but I have like committment issues. I can't seem to stick myself to one guy I like. I'll say oh yeah he likes me and I do have feelings for him, but I'm afraid to date. I look at it like; why would I set myself up to get hurt. All relationships end badly especially when your my age. I'll talk to a guy for a relaly long time and then he'll want to date but I'd be scared to. I'm also scared that i'm gonna end up hurting the guy. Recently I was in a serious talking realtionship and I got fucked over real bad. Ever since then I've been scared to care about someone and scared to love a guy how I love the guy I talked to. I need help overcoming this issue because it affects my happiness and mood and everything. Please and thank you. |
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| logomaniac says: |
| You're fourteen, there is absolutely no reason for you to ba in a serious relationship. The main reason being maturity level. Not just yours but also ant guy that you would be involved with. The whole point of dating during high school and college us to have fun, find out what kind of person you are most compatible with, and find out what sort of things you like looking for in a relationship and a partner so that when you're ready and old enough to have a serious relationship, you can have a fulfilling and successful one. |
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| Topic: |
Sex |
| Date: |
January 13, 2011 |
| juliechristine asks: |
| Recently I've been getting the urge to have sex because of how good everyone says it is. I'm only 14 so i feel like i should wait a little bit but i don't know. I want to try it so bad and just get it over with, but then I want to wait for the right guy. I'm not sure on what I should do because I don't want to regret having sex when I'm a little bit older. |
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| hollistercutie4 says: |
| I feel like I already answered this question, but you should wait. There are all sorts of reasons as to why (including your age) but mostly because you said yourself-- you don't know. Wait until you do know. In the mean time, read up on birth control, how sex works, so on and so forth. |
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| Topic: |
Drugs |
| Date: |
January 11, 2011 |
| Cryptic Melody asks: |
| I started using benzodiazepines several months ago to fill the void left by self-harm (that obviously didn't work out the way I thought). I'm trying to get off of them now, although I still slip up sometimes because the withdrawal is hell. Anyway, I was wondering how long benzos stay in your system. How many days do I have to be clean to pass a test? And also, what are the long term effects? I need all the info I can get right now so that I can start to clean myself up. |
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| logomaniac says: |
| This is really a question for a doctor. I would also suggest going into a drug rehab program that will provide therapy for you so that you make it through withdrawal and can make a fresh start concerning your self harm issues as well. Unless you deal with the cause of your self harm you will always turn to some form of abuse because self harm is an addictive bahavior just like drug use. As a surviving self harmer I definitely advise that you reach out and get help so that you can conquer both your drug use and whatever issues led to your self injury. |
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