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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 17, 2009 |
| kiki ! asks: |
| Hi. I'm a freshman in high school and I'm kinda confused. So i would walk pass this guy almost everyday and i would always look at him because i like him and he started flirting with me recently but the only thing is that he is 17 going on 18 and i'm 15. Of course my dad would throw a fit about that but for some reason i attract older guys and i don't look no older than 17. I don't know if When i do decide to date weather or not i should date someone my one my age or a year older than me or the 17,18 & 19 year olds that approach me. i mean i do like some guys in that age range but the main reason why i always turn them down is because i think that they want sex and thats not something that im going to give and i say if tha's the case we should just remain friends. Should i get involved? or is that a bad idea?
thanks <3 |
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| logomaniac says: |
It's not whether you should get involved with someone or that you should start dating. There is no right answer for that. Wait for someone you are interested in and see how things progress. There is no right time to start dating and no perfect answer for who you should be interested in. Interest happens naturally so enjoy being single for now and when you find someone you want to date, let it progress how it will.
I will say it's good that you have a firm stance on your opinion about sex for now. That's very important, but don't discount dating entirely because of that. When you're in a relationship you can definitely still have the opinion that you don't want to have sex. It's a choice that doesn't need to be sacrificed just because you are in a relationship. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
November 15, 2009 |
| trixipixie asks: |
| I'm a freshman in high school, and I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.
I really really really REALLY love him, and I know he loves me back as well.
However, the situation is that our parents do not agree to us going out. We're both asian, so our parents are both go by the "no dating till college" rule. I believe my parents are in the wrong with this. They say that I'm not allowed to date because I'm too young, it'll kill my grades, I'll end up being hurt, I don't know what's right and wrong. I have straight A's in all my classes right now, I've BEEN hurt already by a previous boyfriend, so I know what it feels like and how to get over it, I'm not "too young", I've known people who've gotten together in sixth grade and have STAYED together, and they think I don't know what is right and wrong because they haven't adjusted to the fact that I've grown up. I also believe they don't trust me to do the "right thing". My boyfriend and I are both really frustrated by the fact that our parents will not allow us to be together. I've cried over this, so has my boyfriend, and it's really hurting us. We've decided to confront our parents about it after we've been together for a year to show our dedication, but I'm afraid it won't work. How do I convince my parents to let me go out? PLEASE help. |
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| logomaniac says: |
You need to show your parents your maturity. Not just yours, but his as well. While getting and mantaining good grades in school does help with that, lying to them and eventually surprising them with the fact that you've been going against their wishes fora year with a boyfriend isn't really a good idea. It may seem like a way to prove to them it will work out but it would only prove to them that they can't trust you.
You may not agree with your parents but they do seem like, while a bit unreasonable, they really care for you and are only being unreasonable to protect you. It isn't that they don't trust you, all parents worry about their kids- it's sort of their job. If you are really set on dating this guy then you need to do the "right thing" by going to your parents now. Sitting down with them and saying that you realize your culture has a big influence on their guidelines for you as a teenager and as their daughter but you would like the chance to prove your maturity. You are not a grown up, though it may feel like it. You do need to realize that you won't always make the right decision so arguing that you know everything already isn't a good way to convince them. Instead, talk it out with them. Take every objection they have to it and truly think it over, figure out why you believe it's a false objection and that way when you sit down with them and your bf you are prepared to answer any questions they might have for you. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
November 14, 2009 |
| secert lover asks: |
| I'm a junior in high school. I met this amazing guy, hes perfect. His looks and personality is unbearable. He is one of my classes, he flirts with me all the time and everyone in that class can see it. They can tell that hes definitely into me and that hes a big flirt. He asked for my number almost everyday three days straight but i said no flat out. The third day i said fine i only give him half though. The next day he asked for it again so i gave in and i gave him the full number. He didnt have paper so he memorized the number. Suprisnigly he did memorize it and he texted me that day. He would text me randomly on random days(not everyday though) Later on after a few weeks, I found out that a i failed a quiz. He texted to let me know and then he offered to study with me next time and to help me pass next time. From the texts he sends you can tell he defintely likes me atleast thats what my friends told me when i showed them the text messages. And he loves to tease me in class, laugh, joke around with me and stare at me all the time everyday. I have been trying my best not to like him. The thing is he has a girlfriend of two years. Hes a quarterback and shes the cheerleader. As you can see they have alot in common. They fight alot and she likes him more than he likes her. I dont know what to do. Should I earse his number? Should I like him wishing that he would break up with her and come to me? PLease help me what should i do?
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| logomaniac says: |
You can't help who you like. But you can make the decision based on what you think is right in this situation or not. He has a girlfriend so he's taken. I would suggest that you let him figure out his relationship situation on his own. If he wants to call you, make sure he realizes that it can only be as friends while he's still in a relationship.
It's not wrong to like him, but while he's in a relationship, it's wrong to act on that. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 13, 2009 |
| Cryssie asks: |
| It's me again.. I really enjoy your advice, so I keep coming back for more. So, I know you said to talk to him, but I'm not really one for making a conversation.. What should I say? I hate awkward silences, so I need to know some things to say to break the silence...... And I have another problem: I have two bestfriends, Brooke and Michalah.. Brooke tells me things that she doesn't trust Michalah with, and then when Michalah finds out that Brooke told me something that she didn't tell her about, she doesn't stop asking ME about it.. So, anyway, Brooke was showing me what she asked you. Michalah came over and Brooke went to a different page so she couldn't see it. But, Michalah, being unusually smart, went to student.com and saw the whole thing Brooke posted. That was one of the biggest secrets she ever had, and Michalah found it out. The reason she didn't want Michalah to know is because Daniel (the 19 year old guy in Brooke's story) works for Michalah's dad, and Michalah tells her parents everything, and if Brooke told Michalah, then Michalah would tell her parents, then her parents would talk to Daniel, Daniel could go to jail.. so on and so on.. but yea.. How do I tell Michalah to stop bugging me or Brooke about the secrecy thing.. I've tried to tell her that if Brooke wanted her to know, then she would tell her herself. I say it really mean because I've told her over ad over that same thing, and each time she would get mad at me, walk away, then the next day she'd be all fine again, but then when she finds out about another secret me and Brooke have, the whole process starts over again... what do I do??? |
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| logomaniac says: |
Awkward silences do happen with everyone and even though they are uncomfortable you can usually laugh them off or joke about them. So don't let the thought of having one influence your decision on whether or not to talk to him. Just get to talking to him by saying hey when you see him, asking him something about a class or something you think he's interested in like a band or movie. You have to talk to him a bit before you can really figure out what all he's interested in, in order to actually have a conversation. But really, relax- if you happen to have an awkward pause or silence, laugh it off and don't worry about it. It's better to talk to him about a whole lot of nothing than to wait for something specific to talk about and never get the chance.
As for your two friends. It's understandable that she would be curious about secrets between the two of you. And she probably isn't meaning to bug you as much but simply feels left out of the loop which has to be a bit painful for her. It's also understandable that you don't want to be the go between for them. So instead of telling her it isn't her business or that your friend would have told her if she wanted to...try telling her that you get where she's coming from and you're sorry but it's really Brooke's secret to tell, not yours. If she wants to know she should go to Brooke and work it out because it's not your place to tell her and you don't want this to come between ya'll as friends.
Hopefully that will have her going to Brooke and working it out so that you don't have to be in the middle anymore. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 12, 2009 |
| Cryssie asks: |
| Okay, I'm in eighth grade and I think this guy at school might like me. He and I both have brothers in boy scouts, so I see him every Tuesday night from 6 to 7:30, plus at school. Every time I look over at him or even in the corner of my eye, I see him looking at me. He hangs out with the popular group at school, and once dated one of the most popular girls there. She broke up with him, as I believe. I might wait a few more Tuesdays to see if what I think he's doing isn't just something I'm imagining. I really think he likes me. But I don't know. He doesn't really make a move to try to talk to me, except one Tuesday. I was reading, like always, and he just kinda interrupted me and asked me if it was for a class thing we were doing. I laughed and said no I was already done with that project, I just loved to read. I tried to go back to reading, but he kept talking to me. I can't exactly remember what he was saying, as I was really into my book, and I didn't want to seem to 'into' what he was saying, as it wasn't really all that important. Then as I was reading, he left to help his brother with something, and every time I looked up to someone talking to me, I'd see him, again, looking at me. Not really staring, but it felt like he likes me. I want to go out with him, but because I'm not 'in' the popular group, with no wishes to be, as I have great friends already, I think it would be weird to talk to him at school, let alone date him. I want to, I do, but I just don't know what to do.. I still really really want my ex, Connery back, (If you remember the last advice I asked), and I don't want to let him think I've moved on, because I really haven't. But I want to go out with this guy, just to see if it might work.. what do I do? |
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| logomaniac says: |
First off, exes are ex for a reason so I really do suggest you move on from that situation.
Second, if you like him, talk to him. It really doesn't matter what group he's in and what group you're in when it comes down to it. It seems like he's trying to see whether or not you like him, if you keep acting as if you don't then he's not very motivated to ask you out.
Because of the last advice you asked for I would also suggest that you not get too wrapped up in this. If you really haven't moved on from your ex then you don't need to drag this next guy into the mix. Give yourself some time to move on completely so that you can actually enjoy your next relationship with whoever it happens to be with. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
November 11, 2009 |
| Brooke asks: |
| Okay, so this is weird, but I'm going to ask anyways. So, last year on September 24, 2008 I met a guy named Daniel, he was 19 years old, and I knew I would never get a chance with him, and he was wayy out of my leage. But, my friend gave me his number and we started talking everyday, all-day long for two months. Halloween night, I told him how I felt, and he said he felt the same way but our age difference was 7 years. He said it was okay with, and so was I. We spent 6 happy months together, and when we were finnaly able to see each other for the first time since the party we met at, we made out and almost had sex. I was with the guy of my dreams, and there was no doubt that I was totally, unconditionally in love with him...and he knew that. But, the day after that he began to ignore me, and I didn't know why. It went on for a month before I asked him what was going on, and that day, he called things off. Before all the mayhem when we made-out, he told me every single day how much he loved me and how much he really cared about me, so why was all this happening? He told me that I was too young for him. If he thought I was too young for him, then why did he tell me all the things he did, and do all things he did? It doesn't click, and I coulkd never hate him, and it sucks. I'm still in love with him now, 4 months later. :( I don't know how to let go, and he now he's saying that all he told me was a lie, so now I feel like my whole first love was a lie, and that it was never real. I need help...Does he really care? I just need some help and advice, I'm going insane. |
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| logomaniac says: |
It seems as if he fell in lust more than love with you. Sometimes this happens between people. They fall in lust with the idea of being with a certain person but it falls through when they actually get the chance to be.
On top of that. I think in this particular case the age gap was definitely a factor. No matter how mature you are as an individual, a 19 year old guy and 12 year old girl have immense differences. You were both at completely different stages in life and because of that, can't really have been on the same level as far as a relationship. Not to mention the fact that it was/is illegal.
That being said, it is understandable that it hurts. And it probably will for some time now. No matter the situation surrounding it, any kind of breakup hurts. All you can do is try to move on. Learning from your mistakes is what helps you gain maturity when it comes to dating. Next time you find someone you like, let it progress naturally with someone who is more on your level as far as age and also emotionally. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
November 09, 2009 |
| twooam asks: |
| About a month ago, this guy whom I liked, well to put it simply we made out five nights in a row. Now, I know this would be considered a booty call or whatever you want to call it, but he found out I was returning to school and told me that 'We shouldn't have done that stuff and that he didn't want to do that stuff with out being in a relationship, but he didn't want to be in one.' and like an idiot I beleived him. So two week later he starts dating this girl at school, which pissed me off to no end because well it hurt. For the past month I've been obsessing on finding out what happened between us. I felt like he used me, but he insists that he didn't and he also said that he wanted to be friend, but yet he never talks to me. Which honestly was something that I expected. Im just trying to figure out, why he acted like that and treated me like that? Is there something wrong with me? or did he use me while he was trying to figure out if the other girl liked him? Im just so confused. |
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| logomaniac says: |
| I don't think he used you. No parameters were set before you made out with each other. You weren't in a relationship and afterwards he told you he didn't want to be in one. So, he was pretty honest with you. It's understandable that it would hurt a bit but I think you are best putting it behind you and moving on. Maybe you can eventually be friends with him but that won't work if you're mad at what you feel he did so either way you need to try and move on and worry about a friendship later. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 09, 2009 |
| xXSkkarlettXx asks: |
| ok, i read your response and yes, before asking you that question i have been in other religions, (although i was beging forced by my mother) and even tho i didnt want to, at a certain point i give it a try to please my mother (and me in a way since i dont know what religion fits me) and i was Christian, Catholic, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, and a couple other but they just dont seem to feel right, me and my mom used to got to some church in North Hollywood and at first i really didnt like it, (mostly because my brother went there and he reminds me of my father but thats a whole different story) but as always, i gave it a try and i actually liked it, but after a while, i DID stop misbehaving and i talked to my mom about school and friends, i was, in a way, a more happy person, i didnt cuss alot like i used to, i actually prayed for my family and friends, i began to ask myself question, deep, thoughtfull questions that i never thought i could think of, i was a whole new peroson, a better person in a way, but after a while i noticed that my teacher for the juniors (juniors are considered the teenagers in my church, also the name of my class) started telling me that i should be wearing more appropriate clothing (even tho i would wear just normal jeans and a shirt, or T-shirt, nothing revealing or inappropriate) and by that he meant that i should be wearing skirts or dresses and dress shirts and other things like that, like, dressing me as a "church girl" they also told and asked me about what kind of music i listened to, and i listen to anykind of music, from hard core screamo to soft piano music and they told me that my music was from the devil and that i should stop listening to it immediately and thats what i never liked from any of the other churches, it made me realized that this church was like all the others, my views on that the churches are about compitition, i mean the people IN the church are still human and its normal for that but still, the way they imply that if i dont do this i will go to hell, they dont say it, but they imply it, and they think that just because i am a 14 year old girl, they think i no nothing, ignorant at least, but i am not, i am very mature for my age, and the whole point is that they try to change you, who you are, for example, whenever my brother would visit, (now my brother is "super religious") and he would see me dressed in my normal attire (usually in black or i look somewhat like a punker/rocker) he would get made, asking me question like why do i dress that way, why dont i read the bible more often, and that i should when even my teacher would tell me that is good for me to read it but when i can or want to, so im saying is that what right does my brother have to actually force me to read the bible? To tell me to change the way i am? Just for him? or the church or whatever his reason is, and same for my mother, now, i now i must respect both of them since they are my family and their religion but when do they respect me? For the wat i am? Cant they accept it instead of trying to change me? |
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| logomaniac says: |
No one has the right to try and change you. Not all churches will try to change how you dress or what you like to listen to so I would encourage you to not object to a whole religion just because you've had some bad experiences. If you really liked the faith as far as reading the bible and asking yourself the deep questions you mentioned then maybe your objection was with that particular church and you should still try to find a church that would allow you to grow in your faith but also one that respects you as an individual. There are churches that will allow that. You don't need to dress a certain way, listen to certain music, etc. just to fit the image of a church- the church should fit you.
However, it's really great that you've tried other religions out. I would definitely encourage you to continue to do so until you find what works for you. It's not easy to try and figure out, but it isn't meant to be. And it's definitely worth it because no matter what you've decided fits you, in the end it's really all about figuring out what you believe in and that's a very vital thing to know about yourself.
As far as your mother and brother. You are going to run into people everywhere that will judge you because of what you wear or what you listen to. That's how the world works unfortunately. The difference is that your mother and brother do care about you. I suggest you sit down and have a conversation with your mom. Let her know exactly how you feel about church in a mature way. Don't just say you hate going to church because that isn't mature at all and more than likely she just wants to do the right thing for you and she happens to believe church is right at the moment. Let her know how you feel about being judged by what you wear and etc. as well. She may not realize what she's doing. Hopefully that will open up communication between the two of you and you won't feel so pressured by her. As far as your brother, he doesn't have the right to tell you to do anything. Let him know you are glad he found what works for him, but that doesn't mean it works for you so while you respect his opinion that's all it is, an opinion.
Your mom just wants to do the right thing here, I don't really think she is trying to change you. She probably just doesn't understand where you are coming from. It's your job to try and resolve that. Maybe you will never see eye to eye on church- but you can respect each other on this issue. |
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| Topic: |
Religion |
| Date: |
November 08, 2009 |
| xXSkkarlettXx asks: |
| ok, i dont have a religion and my mother is always going from one religion to another, now, im saying is that normal?I personally think that all churches are about "competition" (like they are trying to say 'oh dont go to this church, go to ours' or like, well, they are practically implying that, so isnt that bad? Especially if they are "religious"?)another thing; My mother is always telling me how sad/depressed she is and that going to church makes her at hease/calm/happy, like if she got rid of a huge load of her back after she comes back from church, and i've told her "so, your saying, that if you dont go to church, you cant be that kind of person?" I dont think she understood the question because she first said no, and yes, does she need conseling or a therapist or is it really church that does this to her? I personally dont "believe" that there is a god, well, i think that my mom is "making" herself feel better, like its in her head, like... its really HER making herself feel better but she thinks its the "work of god" doing this. i have never liked going to church, ever, and before i would be forced to go, but recently whenever she goes, i tell her "im NOT going" and thats it,i dont go & recently i told her "i have never liked going to church, i DONT LIKE church" and after that,i felt somewhat bad because she had a look on her face that looked hurt, but at the same time, i felt that i needed to make it clear to her why i dont go to church, was it right for me to speak my mind? Or at least on that subject especially since my fam and me is going through a really bad time right now? Is it bad that i dont have a religion? is it bad that i really dont like church or going to church?(i dont know the point of this, i'm confused...i'm really confused, all of this has to do with a whole other bunch of factors too, but i'd like to get some advice at least on this part tho) |
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| logomaniac says: |
Everyone questions religion at some point in their life. It can be hard to find what works best for you but it is definitely worth the effort. I would suggest that instead of taking the outlook that all religion is bad and you just don't like church so you won't go, instead you actually try to research and test out different religions. Find out what works best for you personally. If, once you've done this, you've decided atheism really is what is best for you, then by all means, commit to that.
It is fine for you to tell your mom how you feel about church. You should always be able to be honest about what you believe in. But you also need to understand something. If you expect her to respect your lack of belief then you need to respect the fact that she happens to believe. Regardless of whether you see the point in her belief, she's your mother and going to church happens to help her. It doesn't matter what aspect of going to church makes her feel better, it isn't your place to criticize it. If you want respect, you need to give it- and this is a perfect way to do so. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 06, 2009 |
| Cryssie asks: |
| I have two x-es.. Willy and Connery.. Willy broke my heart in many ways.. The first few times he just broke up with me for no good reason, maybe two or three times he flirted just a little too much with other girls.. Then the other two, he did un-good things so I broke up with him..
Here is one of my crazy weekends:
I was going out with Connery for three weeks.. I happened to talk to Willy on Myspace on a Friday.. He told me he was jealous of Connery. Yeah, he wanted me back.. So I broke up with Connery on Friday and was going out with Willy.. Then I felt bad the next day so I cheated on Willy with Connery. (I had to beg Connery to come back to me for an hour.. Literally) So then when I talked to Willy on the phone, I felt bad for him so I told him that when we were at school I was going out with Connery and he was going out with his gf, but when we weren't at school I was all his.. (Yeah, he had a gf).. Anyway, so I cheated on Connery. I was a little confused the next day so I told Willy that I was gonna break up with Connery so I could be all his.. So that's what I did.. I was all Willy's.. He broke up with his gf for me.. And yeah..
So this is a few weeks after I started going out with Willy:
He was flirting just a little too much one day.. and I got a little sick of it.. I told my best friend Brianna that I was gonna break up with him.. She came with me.. I told him it was over in front of his friends and went on with my day.. I felt all happy for some reason.. Later that day I went on Myspace and saw his status. "got kissed on the bus 3 times good times".. basically saying I suck at kissing.. (Which I don't.. Believe me).. so yeah that got me mad..
A few weeks after that:
I wanted him back.. Bad.. I told him I was really sorry and asked him to come back to me.. Out of all the things he could have said, he said this "well you lied to me so idk".. and he hasn't lied to me?!?! wow.. he told me to look up the song "No Surprise" by Daughtry.. Yeah.. The lyrics told me what I didn't exactly want to hear. But I heard them. And that made me mad.. Really mad.. I went to Connery's house because his mom was trying to get us back together.. Yeah he wouldn't budge.. (Oh by the way, Connery and Willy were best friends.. so that's why Connery didn't want anything to do with me.. or him.) So we went out to eat.. Me, him, his mom, his brother, and his brother's friend.. While we were there, his mom completely being on my side, she called Willy's family up and basically cussed them out.. So I wasn't allowed to call there anymore.. (Me and Willy's sister are really close friends by the way.) So that sucked..
And Now I'm finally almost done:
So I've been trying to get Connery back again.. and I wish I were like him.. He doesn't let the ones who hurt him back in.. I just kept taking Willy back even though I knew he was gonna hurt me again (that part is over cuz i WILL NOT take him back one more time).. Connery won't take me back this time.. And I don't blame him. But he's finally talking to me again.. That I can deal with..
Who do I keep fighting for?? The one who hurts me, but I still want? Or the one who I helplessly love but won't take me back?
I'm hurting myself no matter what road I choose to take: To fight for Willy means to get my heart broken by him doing something horrible to me.. To fight for Connery means that I'll get hurt by not having him.. And to choose neither will mean I'll hurt by seeing them every day of the week, and knowing I won't have either of them ever again...
I really don't know what to do.. And I'm sorry if this took forever to read.. :'( |
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| logomaniac says: |
I think the real question you need to be asking has nothing to do with which guy you should fight for but why aren't you fighting for yourself. You seem to be so caught up by these two guys that you are losing a bit of respect for yourself.
You don't need to hang all over a guy who has a gf, he isn't worth your time. If he was willing to cheat on his gf, he's probably willing to cheat on you.
As for the second guy, I can understand why he's hurt and upset. He has every right to be. I strongly suggest that you accept the fact that you used him to an extent and should never have done so. I also suggest that you definitely take a break from dating until you can handle it a more appropriate way.
When you are with someone, you need to fully invest yourself in that relationship. If you cheat on that person, you shouldn't be confused when they don't want you back. I really think you need to take some time to evaluate your prioritiies as far as relationships go and figure out what exactly you want. I also think you really need to stay away from both of these guys. You'll continue to get dragged into this kind of drama if you don't. |
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