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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
March 08, 2010 |
| mrteen asks: |
| Well, my mother just died recently of lung cancer. I took it really hard, but I haven't really let my family know exactly how I'm feeling. But, I dont't really have anybody to talk to and I don't want to talk to dad because I'm not comfortable talking to him. I'm not comfortable talking to the school counselor or the principal, but there is a teacher that I am. He coaches track and he also goes and lifts weights during his lunch hour, so it gets hard to. The main reason I want to talk to him is because he lost his dad to liver cancer when he was just a couple years older than me, so he would understand better than anyone else. My question is how can I talk to him, and how can I approach him about it? |
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| logomaniac says: |
You could always stop by his classroom after school. Having dealt with the loss of a parent myself, I know it is very hard to find someone to talk to openly and candidly about it. Since he has gone through a situation like yours, it's understandable that you would feel comfortable talking to him. Stop by and be honest, let him know that you were wondering if it was okay to talk to him about what you're going through because you think he might be able to help since he can relate. He might have to schedule a time you can talk to him since he is so busy but hopefully he'll be able to find some time to talk with you or maybe if he is too busy he could suggest someone that he knows of that can relate to what you're going through as well. There's no harm in asking him to talk though.
And I definitely want to say I'm sorry about what you are going through. It's extremely hard to cope with losing a parent. You are on a very good track though, with trying to find someone you feel comfortable talking with. And I definitely wish you the best . |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
March 02, 2010 |
| Meh asks: |
| I'm a freshman in high school and have had a crush on this girl for two years now. I know [tell myself] there's no chance of us ever being together and thinking about her is a a kind of crutch which is the last thing I need with my work and hobbies. Is there any way to stop liking someone? Thanks.
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| wilddawg says: |
Why do you appear to be obsessed with her? Why do you think you're wasting your time with her?
Think a bit about both questions and if you need to, talk to someone like a therapist or someone that will give unbiased information.
Find new activities that take your mind off of her. If issues transpire, journal your thoughts and feelings. Also, making a list of pros and cons may help you move on.
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
March 02, 2010 |
| Anonymous asks: |
| Well, one of my best friends was raped over the summer. She told me his name, but since it was the summer before high school and the boy was a junior, i had no clue who he was. And his name was a really common one, so I never even suspected it. Anyway, he's been sitting at my lunch table for a few weeks and I didn't realize who he was. I just figured it out the other day and asked my friend if it was him. I want to say something to him, yell at him or SOMETHING!! But, he's really REALLY big and really scary and my friend is out of school because he scares her so much. I'm scared that if I say something to him, that I'll become one of his targets. But shes one of my best friends and she helped me when I was going through a really hard time and I feel like I owe it to her to do something. And I want to, really want to, but I'm scared. Can you help me? |
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| wilddawg says: |
Avoid contact with him because there's a strong chance he hasn't changed. Honestly, the only thing that will change him is the CRIMINAL JUSTICE system if enough evidence was gathered last summer and there's a chance he can be prosecuted.
The only thing you can do for her is support her and make sure she's venting her thoughts/reactions and she's getting individual and perhaps group therapy for being violated. |
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| Topic: |
School |
| Date: |
February 28, 2010 |
| lynett asks: |
| im in mid. school and on track what do you think is a stress reliever |
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| logomaniac says: |
| Well, personally I found that sports like track and etc. were great stress relievers. However, everyone has to find what works for them. I would suggest trying a bunch of different things. You could try joining a club at school that you're interested in, or maybe another sport. If you don't want to add to your schedule you could always try doing something on your own like writing in a journal to vent some of the stress you're feeling. Hanging out with friends is always a good way to get rid of some stress as well. Basically you just need to be open to trying different things and you'll find something that works for you. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 28, 2010 |
| e-dating really?! asks: |
| I'm 21, and I guess in a lot of ways that makes me feel even more ridiculous about my current situation. I never expected to find anyone I would be interested in online. About 8 months ago however, I ended up doing just that.
It was a fluke, we just happened to connect in a chat room right before I logged out and ended up talking for hours that night. And then ended up talking several times after that before we exchanged email/messenger info. We've been talking ever since as far as on messenger and on the phone. I guess I never thought anything would come of it. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I saw it as fun, with a little bit of flirting. But then it got more serious, and flirting turned into us talking about being together.
But now I'm beyond confused. He still seems very interested, still says he's interested. But I guess the tone has changed. It's gone from flirty and fun to wanting pics and talking about meeting up. Part of me wants that, but I want it because I would love to see if we actually have something in person instead of just online. But it's gotten more intense on his end. I'm not sure if it's more intense because neither of us have any experience with this sort of thing and it's a bit frustrating. Not being able to actually see each other, actually be together. It's frustrating for me as well but that doesn't mean that meeting up with him is definitely going to turn into this crazy hotel room porno lol. I guess I'm just confused because he used to be so sappy and romantic, and I still see some of that sometimes but for the most part he just talks about what we'll do together if and when, heavy on the when.
I still like this guy. I'm not naive enough to be pressured into taking pics or doing something that I'm not comfortable with. I just guess I'd like to know if I should back off a bit or if I should even think of us meeting. We're from different states so meeting would be complex anyways, in fact there have been a couple attempts but I was always busy with work or he was busy with school. But now there's a trip he's asked me to go on and I have to make a decision. Plus, I don't think leaving it this way forever is fair to either of us.
I guess I'd just like a different perspective. Is it natural that him being frustrated that we can't physically be together would play out in him being a bit more...intense really is the only word I can think of? And if we did meet up, how do I set those guidelines of what I'm okay with before it happens? I don't want him to think I'm against everything that might happen, but just because we only have so much time together doesn't mean I want to feel rushed. I guess part of me is disappointed. I liked him so much when we first started talking because he was sweet and funny. He was flirty but I never felt like anything we talked about was a demand or that he was this intense about it. Certain things were intense between us but it was both of us so it felt natural. But now, I feel more like it would be just a hook up situation than ever with him and I'm not looking for that. If that was what I wanted I'd just go find someone here. If we do meet, I want it to be because we're both willing to take a chance at something here.
Also, this is way longer than I intended, sorry. But the issue of dating while talking to each other has sort of fallen by the wayside. I'm single, we haven't said we're actually together. I don't mind that because as far as I'm concerned I'd want to meet before we tried to figure that one out. But he's brought up the fact that he's said no to some things because he'd rather be with me. I'd love to be with him as well but I have been asked out several times. I've said no because each time I thought about him and ended up feeling guilty, it's like I keep talking about having a chance with him so that it feels wrong to take that chance with anyone else. But now someone I actually do have feelings for has asked me out and I don't know what to do. I really have feelings for them both. I guess my q is, if I'm not dating the guy online, is it wrong for me to have a date (not talking anything physical or serious) with this guy? |
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| wilddawg says: |
I read your request a few times.... I think you should consider pursuing the guy you have feelings for and consider giving up the concept of dating the guy online for now...... Perhaps you just change the spectrum from dating this guy online to a friendship?
I know this is going to be very hard for you because you've invested 8 months into this. It's going to be hard to let the feelings go thus you likely will feel guilty about giving up on dating him. However, when I look at everything you've written, it seems like you both have obstacles in even meeting. How much longer do you want to give up on local guys and still be waiting to meet your online buddy or fling?
I truly wish you the best on your options:
1) Making a list of pros and cons of both guys and choose the guy with less cons.
2)Cease all ties with the guy online
3)Downgrade your thing with guy online to a friendship
4)Date your local guy
5)Take a break from both guys while you soulsearch |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 27, 2010 |
| Dumb and Numb asks: |
| I am really confused about this girl, Shes single, and shes kind of had the same life as me, and I really like her, so Last Saturday we were at a party, every one was in the house partying and she and I were outside on the steps just talking. she was talking to me, and I got mad. Not at her just because she wanted to talk about me, she wanted me to confide in her. So I told her how I felt about every one, my friends my family. And then she wanted to know how I felt about her. I didn't want to say anything but she kept asking me, and asking me pretty soon I got mad and wanted to drop it but she kept asking so I got mad and I told her how I felt, I told her I liked her and that on her birthday I was going to send her some flowers but I didnt, and I told her how she was the only one I trusted and how I hate myself because I know she wouldnt want to be mine and stuff so after I let that out she sat there with a smile and then she kept sayin SHE KNEW IT, that she knew I was going to give her flowers and stuff and that I should giver her flowers and stuff so on Monday when I saw her a school I gave her the flowers she said she knew I was nervous, and later that day we were talking she said that I was sweet........Im confused does she like me or not? |
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| logomaniac says: |
| She might be trying to take things a little slow because of how you reacted. Or she might just not really know what to do next. From the sound of it, both of you are pretty young. Just see how things go for now. If you want to know how she feels about you as far as the two of you dating then give it a little bit of time and then ask her. Don't be pushy like she was with you, just ask her on a date. Go out together, have some fun, and see where things go. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 27, 2010 |
| Trust Issues asks: |
| This guy I have been talking to has trust issues because he was cheated on by his most recent ex, over a year ago. He was fine at first, but now hes distancing himself from me because of it. I dont think its hardly fair that I get this treatment like I did something wrong when I never did. What should I do? How do I get him to trust me? |
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| wilddawg says: |
Maybe you need to slow it down and be his friend until he can trust you. Be honest with him about everything and again focus on being slow with him. Also, understand how you'd feel if you were him. Imagine how you'd react if you were cheated on and you couldn't trust a guy. Lastly, comfort and coddle him....
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| Topic: |
Family |
| Date: |
February 26, 2010 |
| Tjc650 asks: |
| Well I've got a fairly long story to tell and the problems are all throughout it, I just need some advice on what to do that would be best for my life. So I'll start out about 4 years ago, I was living with on of my brothers and one of my sisters and my mother(my mother and father divorced when I was 5). So my mother meets some lawyer from eastern Washington, they marry within 2 weeks of meeting eachother(so needless to say they don't know anything about eachother and are completely unprepared), and THE DAY after my brother, my sister, and I meet him. So within a few weeks we are moved away from home and into Zillah, WA Which is part of the Yakima valley(aka the ass crack of the world) so we live a few crappy months there, soon finding out what a boring and shitty place yakima is, and what a control freak and asshole our step father is. After a few months have passed my brother moves down to live with our father along with another sister of mine, so it's me and my older sister. So more long and miserable years dragged out where we only got to see our father once every few months, until just before last summer when my sister moved out too. So my mother was figuring out what a deuce her husband really is and so she moves back down to California with me while trying to keep at least a subtle peace with her husband since she has because of the marriage become dependent on him, and while we are down there I start going to a highschool and make friends, meet girls and have the best 2 months I had had in 4 years, then my step father convinces my mother to move back up saying that he's changed and all of that bullshit. Then he calls me and tell's me I'm "ripping the family in 2" even though the majority(by far) of the family is down here. The I'm basically dragged out of my freshman year of highschool and back up to hell. So I'm left with my bipolar(literally, I love her to death but its just a condition she has)mother, my 2 step siblings and last but most certainly not least, my asshole lawyer step father. So I've had from age 10 to current age 14 just about ruined and yet I've tried to keep all of it inside as not to hurt anyone.. severely. But then tonight my step father gets buzzed off of his wine just enough to tell the truth, he admits that the only reason he ever wanted any of my mothers kids living with him was because she wouldn't stay otherwisem and then proceeds to tell me that I'm definitely going to be a failure to launch(probably because of my failing 4 classes last semester due to depressing) even though this semester I so far have all A's, and when I tell him I want to smash my skateboard into his face he says "I wouldn't do that, that's going to be your primary mode of transportation, considering your first profession is probably going to be a bum"... I really had to strain my self will to not beat him to death right there, instead I just left the room. And he said this infront of his two children, which he always treats a million times better than me because they are superior because they are of his blood I guess... so I don't know what to do, I want to move in with my dad and his fiancee, but he said that he would have to seriously work things out with her to do that since it's her house and though she likes children she doesn't like kids living with her. I could also move in with one of my older siblings if I can get my father to send my child support to them, but no matter where I move I would feel guilty about leaving my mother and I'm worried about it. But that's the only things that's stopped me from killing myself for these 4 years is my family and friends, I love them all too much to just let go, so instead I'm stuck living a completely miserable life with a complete asshole who only has me up here because he thinks my mother has nice... you get the idea... so what exactly should I do? I know ranting about it to my friends hasn't helped at all.. as they haven't heard of many situations this fucked. All I can do is ask for some advice on what actions I should take... thanks |
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| logomaniac says: |
It does indeed sound like a very unhealthy relationship to be in with your stepfather. And he definitely had no right to say what he did, regardless of him being buzzed.
I'm guessing that you haven't told your mother what he said to you. I would suggest you go to her though. It may seem like you are just starting drama and I understand why you wouldn't want to do that but at the end of the day, you're her child, she should want to hear what your going through and help you with it. But you need to go to her with a plan of action because just laying it all on her would be tough for her to deal with. I'd suggest talking to your older siblings and making sure you have at least one of them that you could truly move in with. And by making sure, I mean actually discussing what it would be like, what school you would go to, etc.. Then go to your mother when you can have time to talk to her away from your stepfather. Let her know that you understand that she has a life with him but that you don't. And the reason you don't is because of his attitude towards you. Let her know what he said to you exactly and tell her that while you respect that she's an adult and has her life with him, you've come up with some options that are healthier for you. Be honest, tell her you don't want to leave her, but can't continue living with him. It's hard to say something like that but you have to be honest about this. Let her know that you've tried but just can't work it out, and he doesn't seem to want to work on it with you. Talk to her about the options you've figured out and either she'll try to fix things with your stepfather or she'll work on helping you get into a healthier living arrangement. From what you've said, it does seem that you have a decent relationship with her and that she does indeed love you so hopefully she'll be willing to do what is best for you.
You will have to work hard for this to work though. If you really want to be in a healthier situation it isn't going to just present itself. You've got to come up with a plan, talk to your mother, and unfortunately those will be the easier parts. Because then you'll have to be very responsible should you end up moving in with an older sibling. You'll have to keep your mind focused on being in school because as much as your sibling might care for you, they aren't going to be automatically prepared to help you with school. They won't have any preparation in being able to care for you the way your mom might and in a very real way you'd have to look after yourself. Only pursue that option if you feel capable of doing so. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 24, 2010 |
| wantinghim asks: |
| Okay, so i like this guy. Only problem is that he's 21 and i'm 16. I know he likes me too and i really want to be with him. My parents don't have a problem with the age difference because in the long run they just want me to be happy. But my question is, is there any other way he could get into trouble with the law over this? |
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| logomaniac says: |
| You'll have to look up what the exact law in your state is in order to be sure what the parameters are. Depending on that, since your parents are okay with it, you should be fine. But I definitely suggest you take things slow. A 21 year old is at a very different stage in his life than you are as a 16 year old. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 23, 2010 |
| SevenStoriesUnder asks: |
| I have a really big crush on this girl, but she lives really far away... All my friends tell me that I'm stupid to have a crush on someone I've never met... but I feel like she understands me, and she's nice, and just a wonderful person... I don't know what to do... |
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| logomaniac says: |
I'm assuming you met her online. Since you haven't met her in person, the idea of a long distance relationship really isn't feasible under the circumstances. But if you like her and like talking to her then enjoy it for what it is right now. Maybe you might have the opportunity to meet in the future and who knows where things might go after that. But don't worry overly much about your friend's opinions, they don't need to rag on you for finding someone you enjoy talking to and someone that you feel understands you. More than likely they just haven't had the same experience so they feel they can mock it, but the important thing here is that if talking to her makes you happy you should continue to do so.
Do yourself a favor though. Since you haven't met her in real life, don't get caught up in a relationship. Have a great friendship, truly get to know each other and enjoy the time you can talk with each other. Leave the relationship for if and when you can actually meet and be together. Give yourself the chance to find a girl you can actually be with. |
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